One of those random conversations…

MAEB: Momma, can only be brave when I am with you.

ME: Well when I can’t be there you just have to think of me to be brave. Close your eyes and think of me. What color is my hair?

MAEB: Brown.

ME: What color are my eyes?

MAEB: Brown

ME: How does it feel when I hug you?

MAEB: Tight.

ME: What does mommy smell like?

MAEB: Roses.  I like it when you scratch my back better.

ME: See baby girl you can think of all of those things when mommy isn’t around and those things can help you remember how much I love you and how proud I am of you.  Then you can be brave without me there.

MAEB: Got it Momma! I’ll be brave but I like you here better.

ME: Me too baby girl!

I’m headed into Saint Luke’s tomorrow to get my PICC line and I will miss both of my children dearly. I’ll only be gone for three days or so but leaving Mary Ann is the hardest.  Will doesn’t get it yet and is excited about all the new faces and attention.  Mary Ann gets it and is sad when I’m gone.  I have books packed so I can read bedtime stories via skype. We have her in the best hands we could ask for while I’m gone. I’ve dotted all of the “i”s and crossed all of the “t”s and I still hate leaving.

I keep reminding myself that I can’t take care of others if I don’t take care of myself first.

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Courage, dear heart. ~C.S. Lewis

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